Internal Girl, External World — Learning To Be an External Introvert

Pt. 1

So what does it mean exactly?

What does it mean that I’m an internal girl? It means I’m super introspective and practically live in my mind. So much so, that I can start to miss out on or even fear the external aspects of life.

But I’m learning that it’s not wrong or vain to care about your own exterior and your outside world. In fact, being both internal and external-minded is crucial. If you’re only ever in your head, your body suffers. If you’re only tending to your body and outside, your mind suffers. We need both.

I’m a big fan of MBTI, and I’m an INFJ which is considered to be the most extroverted introverted personality. INFJs have a lot of dualities, which was freeing for me to learn about because I always felt like a walking contradiction.

I used to wrestle a lot with whether I was a jaded extrovert silenced by the trauma of my past or if I was an extreme introvert to the point of being a recluse. Honestly, sometimes both feel true.

Then I learned that introversion and extroversion aren’t about “shy & timid” vs “outgoing and charismatic” but rather where you get your energy from and that helped me better accept my introverted personality.

Because I definitely recharge through alone time. However, for me, that sometimes can result in some homebody-ness.

And while I could spend all day enjoying more internal things like writing, reading, and examining the inner mind, there’s always been a part of me that loves to connect, lead, entertain, and share.

I’m at a point in life where I want to explore more external ventures and just learn how to elevate my exterior so that it can be as rich as my thought life.

I want to tend to the external like I do the internal because I feel most alive and most like myself when I balance both.

For example, I love makeup and fashion but I’m used to just pinning images on Pinterest with the thought of “one day” trying that stuff out for myself. I enjoy discussions, performing, and coming up with creative ideas but I’m often hesitant to truly put myself out there and share.

I’ve chalked it up to just being someone who's only good at being internal, introspective, independent, and in the corner.

I still enjoy all things introspective but this year and this blog is going to be about learning to balance my internal self with my external self. To embrace both.

This year, I’m challenging myself to document the trial and error of just living life more out loud than before.

And I’m allowing myself to define that how I want, rather than thinking this chapter has to fall into a specific box. Thinking I have to stay in a box has been one of the very things that have kept me stagnant anyway.

So now I’m going to do the things I’ve always wanted but just thought could never be me. And for some, the things may be small or surface level, but to really act on my goals and ideas, no matter how small, will be a huge step towards growth for me.

And part of my issue is that I’ve swum so far in the depths of me that I haven’t come up to the surface for air. It’s time to swim up to the surface and start enjoying external things too.

I just turned 28, and I’ve lived most of my 20s playing it extremely safe and tidy. I’ve been frugal in many ways, even beyond financially, in an effort to eliminate the risk of failure. While I can say I haven’t made many wild mistakes, I may have made the biggest mistake of all by not allowing myself to make mistakes and by not stepping out and really living and finding myself along the way.

It’s time to find myself. To tap into my full potential and not be afraid to show it. To learn all that life has to offer. It’s time to rid myself of the expectation to be perfect and to finally just “go before I know.”

Go before I know the outcome. Go before I know it’ll be successful. Go before I know I’m good at it. It’s time to grow from what works and what doesn’t.

This normally risk-averse girl is taking a leap here and trusting that it’ll be okay, even if I don’t have everything figured out.

Because it’s time to operate from a mindset of abundance rather than lack.

I’m done tucking myself in corners. And I know there will be trial and error and temptation to retreat or feel lost and doubtful. Even now I can feel myself overthinking if I’ve written this well enough to post.

But I’m for once choosing to accept that I don’t have all the answers but I can have the courage to discover them and share and rest cozily in who I am. All of me. The internal and the external. It’ll all be here this year.

And for anyone who can relate, or even those who feel they already have a good grip on balancing both the depths of their internal self with the outwardness of their external self, hopefully, you’ll come along on this journey and feel motivated to live even more freely, lightly, inwardly and outwardly, in a way that’s fulfilling and fun.

“Peace” and “Prosperity” are my words for 2023 and now I’m also adding “Personality.” I know in the past, my experiences and environments snuffed my personality, but it’s time to let it out in all its versatility and vastness.

So hello world, this internal girl is ready to come up to the surface and share what’s inside while finally embracing the outside.